On this website I have generally opted to use the terms miscarriage and stillbirth to refer to pregnancy related losses. As a matter of personal preference, I tend to choose these terms over the general “pregnancy loss.” Please understand that when I say I support families facing miscarriage and stillbirth, that I am using those terms in a broad sense. There are so many types of losses and many different terms to describe them. You could put ten different post-loss mommas in a room and all ten of them could have different diagnoses in their medical charts as well as different ways of referring to their loss. It is also worth considering that, for those of us who have experienced pregnancy loss, we probably started out not even knowing how to refer to what was happening to us, but along the way may have developed strong feelings for or against certain terminology (for example, not many of us who have miscarried opt to use the medical term “spontaneous abortion” to refer to our miscarriage.)
Let’s look at the scope of terms used in the realm of pregnancy-related loss. In early pregnancy, an expectant couple may hear the words “chemical pregnancy” or “blighted ovum” or be told that their embryo has “reabsorbed.” They may be scrambling for answers after receiving a diagnosis of ectopic pregnancy or a molar or partial-molar pregnancy. All of these are heart-felt losses that I would readily include within the broader category of miscarriage.
While there is still plenty of hope if you have heard the words “threatened miscarriage,” that hope diminishes if you instead hear “inevitable miscarriage” or “incomplete miscarriage.” There is also a “missed miscarriage” if ultrasound shows that baby has died, but your body has not begun the act of miscarrying. The care for a missed miscarriage varies by situation and care provider, but may include a prescription to begin the miscarriage, a hospital induction of labor, a D&C, or a D&E (both surgical procedures.) Unfortunately, in the case of multiples, occasionally one may die while the other survives and this is sometimes referred to as a vanishing twin. An ultrasound showing no heartbeat may result in your baby being referred to as a fetal demise. Ultrasounds and prenatal testing may diagnose a difficult, life-threatening, or even fatal condition in your pre-born baby. I typically use the general term of “adverse prenatal diagnosis.” These can lead to much research, seeking out second and third opinions, and making decisions regarding ending the pregnancy early or allowing the pregnancy to continue. Again, all of these situations fall within the scope of a birth and bereavement doula, and in the case of adverse prenatal diagnosis, a birth and bereavement doula can help you explore your options including the concept of “parenting in the womb,” and support you through the remainder of your pregnancy and birth. (See www.everylifecounts.ie for information on parenting in the womb.)
Infertility, while not a form of child loss, carries with it many of the same feelings of grief and loss and deferred dreams. When a woman or couple experiences a pregnancy loss after fertility issues, their grief can appear to be multiplied exponentially due to the time and effort and heart-investment that was poured into conceiving that baby. Also, a subsequent pregnancy after a loss, often called a rainbow baby or rainbow pregnancy, while a happy event, can be tinged with fears and anxiety stemming from the previous loss. These are also scenarios that may benefit from the support of a birth and bereavement doula.
As you can see, there are many types of pregnancy-related losses. If you have not experienced them, they may appear just as words on a page. But for those who have had the words spoken about their unborn baby, their pregnancy, those words quickly became a new reality. If you have just had one or more of these terms become your new reality, please reach out to me. If you want to learn more about any of these terms or diagnoses, or if you would like to read accounts from parents who have received these diagnoses please visit Stillbirthday here: https://stillbirthday.com/types-of-loss/ .
