Resources

As You Grieve: Activities to Aid in Healing

By January 22, 2019February 8th, 2022No Comments
grief counseling

If you have lost a baby to miscarriage or stillbirth and are in the trenches of grieving, this post is for you. Grief is not linear. It is not a clear-cut series of steps or stages that you proceed through and complete.  The searing pain or drug-like numbness of the first days, will, sooner or later, give way to grief that is still very raw but less frightening. And that pain will, over time, lessen to the point where your life has resumed normalcy. Be gentle with yourself. Try not to put your grief on a schedule. Don’t feel frightened by anger or sadness that resurfaces after you thought you had already processed that emotion. Remember that due dates and holidays and family celebrations and other pregnancies are just some of the things that may set your heart back in a hard place for a time. And sometimes, the hurt and the memories come flooding back without warning when you don’t expect them.  Seek help when you need it and practice self-care.

If you are looking for something to help you work through your grief or if you are looking for a new way to honor your baby, here are some activities for you to consider:

  1. Tell your baby’s story to someone who will listen with care and respect. (Ideally this will be a friend or family member already in your support circle, but if you need someone who will listen to your baby’s story, you can always call me.)
  2. Read books about child loss and/or grief. There are lots of good books out there that will help you to feel less alone and assist in understanding your post-loss feelings. I am starting a lending library of books, which I will list here. I will add to this list as my library grows.  Books I currently have available:

 

  •  Safe in The Arms of God: Truth From Heaven About The Death of A Child, by John MacArthur
  • I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy, by Angie Smith
  • No New Baby: For Siblings Who Have A Brother or Sister Die Before Birth, by Marilyn Gryte
  • God’s Grace in Your Suffering, by David Powlison
  • A Gift of Time: Continuing Your Pregnancy When Your Baby’s Life is Expected to Be Brief, by Amy Kuebelbeck and Deborah L. Davis, PH.D.
  • Always Within: Grieving the Loss of Your Infant. Stories of love, compassion, and hope for bereaved parents who are coping with the loss of a pregnancy or infant.
  • Empty Arms: Hope and Support for Those who Have Suffered a Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Tubal Pregnancy by Pam Vredevelt
  • Holding On to Love When You Have Lost a Baby (The 5 Love Languages for Grieving Parents) by Gary Chapman, PhD and Candy McVicar
  • Sunlight in December: A Mother’s Story of Finding the Goodness of God in the Storm of Grief by Kristin Hernandez
  • Anchored: A Bible Study for Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss by Erin Cushman
  • Waiting With Gabriel: A Story of Cherishing a Baby’s Brief Life by Amy Kuebelbeck

 

  1. Journal or blog about your baby and your grief journey.
  2. Join a support group locally or online. See my previous blog post for more information.
  3. Attend a memorial service. If your loss occurred in-hospital, that hospital may have a bereavement program that coordinates memorial services. On December 6th at 7 PM, the Angel of Hope Annual Candlelight Vigil is held at at various locations around the country. Locally there is an Angel of Hope at Blanchette Park in St. Charles, MO, and another at Weinand Park in Troy, MO. I have attended locally and it is a good opportunity, in the midst of holiday activities, to publicly acknowledge the child or children you have lost. You can find more information on the annual candlelight vigil at nationalshare.org or www.richardpaulevans.com/angel-statues/locations
  4. Make a scrapbook or shadowbox of mementos from your pregnancy and/or birth.
  5. Have a memento of your baby made for you to hold and keep. At mollybears.org their team makes teddy bears the weight of your baby at birth, even if your baby weighed as little as one half ounce when they passed. This gives you the opportunity to have something cuddly to hold to remind you of your heavenly baby. At www.heldyourwholelife.com they make necklaces and keychains engraved with the sentiment “Held Your Whole Life”. You can add various charms and birthstones to personalize your necklace with reminders of your baby.
  6. Write out your baby’s story. You can write it all out for yourself to keep and remember, or you can share your story with others. Both facesofloss.com and https://stillbirthday.com share prenatal loss stories in a setting where other parents facing a loss can benefit from your experience and advice.
  7. You can talk to God. You can pour out all your pain and anger and sadness in words to Him. The book of Psalms in the Bible is an example of this. David authored many of the Psalms and in them he expresses to God a full spectrum of emotions, including anger, fear, and sadness.

I hope these ideas are helpful. Take care of yourself. You are not alone.